..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
