He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Alive.
So much puke
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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