Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
