how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
