HIV tests are more positive than that guy
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
