I want to have your abortion
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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