i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Rumble strips road head = magical
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize