I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
