craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
