omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
