hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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