Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
