yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
we're so committed to being not committed
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