they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
