wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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