Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
you had me at cake vodka
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
