I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
