just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
