a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
