Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
