census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
