Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
