Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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