drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
