I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
