you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
