Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
