No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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