I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
