TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
