Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize