erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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