Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
