This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
