It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
