hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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