Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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