Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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