You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
