I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
nutella sex= disaster
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
