I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
