he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
so much tequila, so little girl.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
