I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize