so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
