I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Randomize
