They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
