As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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