im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
