can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
