I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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