just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
