He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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