There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
