I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
