wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
