Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I CAN MOONWALK!
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
So gin and wine won't be happening again
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
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