Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
im six kinds of drunk right now
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
