Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
