She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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