she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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