i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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