My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
