Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
