This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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