i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize