So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Duck Duck Cougar?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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